A thin piece of paper is sitting beside my keyboard. It’s about one inch wide, and four inches long.
It’s a ticket.
A concert ticket stamped with R.E.M. across the top.
I might have plucked the ticket out of its envelope and held it to my heart and jumped up and down like a thirteen-year old girl when it arrived. I might have whooped and screamed. I might have scared Petra silly. Then I might have opened up the envelope about ten times over the next hour just to make sure it was real.
Might have.
I guess it's kinda obvious that I'm excited?
It seems odd, at my age, to admit that I have a Favorite Band, but I do, and R.E.M. is It.
Years ago, while in college, I went through a dark time when I felt like the world was a very inhospitable place. I was estranged from my family, and trying to figure out who I was, and if there was anywhere I belonged. Then one day my boyfriend, a wonderful human being, handed me Automatic For the People. I listened to “Everybody Hurts” and cried my head off.
"Everybody hurts," Michael crooned. "Everybody cries... so hold on... just hold on...." I pressed Rewind (remember cassette tapes?) and played it again. And again. And again. It didn’t make everything better, but somehow it made everything more bearable. A weight lifted off of my heart; I could breathe.
Is it any wonder that Michael and the boys hold the Best, Always & Forever spots in my music pantheon?
(If you’d like to see a picture me during that time in my life, you’ll have to click through the jump. I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but there was no way I could post this picture where anyone casually strolling through my blog could see it. They might be scarred for life, and then how would I feel?)
I know what you’re thinking: Jennifer, if you had ditched that jacket and lost the spiral perm, you might not have been in such a bad place.
I know. If only someone had taken me aside and pointed out how much I resembled a poodle in a tuxedo, I might have been able to pull myself together.
I jest.
But to this day, the sound of Michael Stipe’s voice puts me in a happy place. If I’m feeling blue, things suddenly don’t seem so bad. If I’m already up, the world is a rosy place indeed. Pure Pavlov.
Over the years, upon hearing about my fervent love for Mr. Stipe, various people have attempted to knock him down a few notches. “Well, you know, one time, he…” and I’m like: LA LA LA LA LA. I see your lips flapping, but I don’t hear what you’re saying. He can do no wrong in my world, and that’s the way it’s always going to be.
I was shivering on the sidewalk, and Michael’s voice brought me in out of the cold. End of story.
Which brings me to my last point: I realize that there is a close-to-zero percent chance that anyone reading this blog will be going to the concert in Berkeley at the end of the month, but JUST IN CASE you are: I urge you to pray to the Ticketmaster gods that you do not get seated anywhere near me, because here is what is guaranteed to happen that night:
- I’m not going to stay in my seat. Seriously, how could I sit down, with Michael + Peter only inches (okay, feet) away from me?
- I’m going to sing along WITH EVERY SONG. I know all the words. To every song. R.E.M. has ever recorded. Singing all those hymns during my childhood made me a star memorizer, and even though my voice sounds like a stranded seal, I'm planning on belting it out. Deal with it.
- I am going to act like a fizzy, dizzy thirteen-year-old, whatever that might mean. I’ve already given myself permission. If anyone frowns at me, I’ll stick out my tongue at them.
Now: if you’ll excuse me, I have to go back to writing Michael Stipe over and over with my bright blue pen. I’m trying to get the bubble hearts on top of the “i’s” just right.
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Walk Unafraid
Given my penchant for tripping and falling, it's no surprise that this is one of my favorite R.E.M. songs. Here's to being clumsy and not knowing the way, to falling down and getting back up, and mostly - to keeping on walking no matter what.
As the sun comes up, as the moon goes down
These heavy notions creep around
It makes me think, long ago
I was brought into this life a little lamb
A little lamb
Courageous, stumbling
Fearless was my middle name.
But somewhere there I lost my way
Everyone walks the same
Expecting me to step
The narrow path they've laid
They claim to
Walk unafraid
I'll be clumsy instead
Hold my love or leave me high.
Say "keep within the boundaries if you want to play."
Say "contradiction only makes it harder."
How can I be
What I want to be?
When all I want to do is strip away
These stilled constraints
And crush this charade
Shred this sad masquerade
I don't need no persuading
I'll trip, fall, pick myself up and
Walk unafraid
I'll be clumsy instead
Hold my love or leave me high.
If I have a bag of rocks to carry as I go
I just want to hold my head up high
I don't care what I have to step over
I'm prepared to look you in the eye
Look me in the eye
And if you see familiarity
Then celebrate the contradiction
Help me when I fall to
Walk unafraid
I'll be clumsy instead
Hold my love or leave me high.
Walk unafraid
I'll be clumsy instead
Hold my love or leave me high.
** Photo above: taken by David Belisle, from the photo gallery at the official R.E.M. website.
