If you’ve read this blog for any time at all, you know that I adore Petra, my greyhound. She’s come so far in the 20 months since I adopted her. I could seriously go on and on about the ways she’s improved. Yap, yap, yap.
But there are days, yo. There are days.
When Petra suddenly and inexplicably gets tweaky. Instead of lying down on her rug, she hovers behind me as I type. She makes a clackety yawning movement with her jaw. When I turn around, she stares at me, unblinking. I let her outside; I let her back in. Still, she stands and stares. I get up; she follows me. Her nails make a clicking sound on the floor. I turn around; she stares at me. I let her outside; I let her back in. I walk to the sink to get a glass of water. She follows me: click, click, click. I turn around: she’s one inch away from me, staring me down. She faux-yawns. Clackety clack.
I want to scream, but I don’t.
Instead, I pretend like this is a Great Big Joke, and that if I just play along, it will all be okay. Wink, wink.
Sit down already.
How’s it going? Tweak much?
Wow, nice eyes. You’re what I call Tweakalicious.
Hey, Tweakmeister: knock it off.
Good thing you’re shadowing me, since WE ARE IN THE TWEAK ZONE.
That nervous jaw-flapping thing is tweaktastic, Petra Jane.
Why are you following me everywhere? Are you feeling Tweakicidal?
If you don’t stop staring at me like that, I’m going to put you on Tweakicide Watch.
Maybe we could see if the vet would put you on Tweak-loft or Tweak-nax. I've heard they work wonders for dogs that have your condition. On the other hand, side effects include dry mouth and occasional ear twitching, so I'm not sure we want to go that route.
I’m getting Tweak Fatigue. Can’t you just act normal again?
FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD IN THIS WORLD, WILL YOU PLEASE STOP TWEAKING ALREADY!
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Okay, I feel better now. Marginally.
Except that she’s standing behind me again, doing that clackety yawn thing.